He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
