mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
