I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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