i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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