I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
