tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
