I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
