Apparently you make a good broom.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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