I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
This house was built for laser tag.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
