In the future we'll all be gay
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
