Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Randomize
