I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
