I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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