i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
