ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
