it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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