"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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