Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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