Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
