Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
