The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
