Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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