come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
