Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
