The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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