I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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