Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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