Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
