I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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