she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
