Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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