I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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