You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
