Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
