Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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