I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
