i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
