So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize