my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
