I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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