Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Randomize
