End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
