I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you didnt know i had herpes?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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