The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
