I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
