She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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