My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
