The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
