you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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