Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
