god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize