Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
